Friday, October 23, 2009

They are double-teaming me

I used to love fall. The weather telling me it was time to switch to a light sweater, and then slowly suggesting a hat has never bothered me. Watching the leaves fall like confetti from the tops of the trees, flashing the vibrant hues of autumn used to be my favorite time of year. I also used to love rainy fall days. The chill in the air and the wet pavement, littered with puddles has always reminded me to say "It's a Scotland day" and I could be whisked away to wonderful memories of touring the British countryside with my mother and sister.Now "I have kids." (I have always hated it when people have used that excuse with me in the past, pre-baby, and now I cringe everytime I say it or think it. Because it is actually true!) We are going crazy over here, cooped up in our house! My opinion of the rain is that it has robbed my children (and me) of some beautiful fall days to be enjoyed outside in our yard, playing in piles of leaves or collecting the prettiest leaves we can find. How on earth can I take them outside when it rained, literally, all day?! We got close to 3" of rain all in one day, and the grass seems like it would slide right off of the dirt if we even thought to walk on it. The dogs don't even want to go outside, so unfortunately, I have crazy canines in my house as well. Grrr! I do think the dogs have officially received their cue to begin hibernation, which unfortunately leaves them as unsuspecting prey for the aforementioned cloistered children to tug on ears, tails and skin. I have never heard these beasts growl so much at the other little beasts: those with two legs.Fiona thinks it is much more fun to color on her body or to suck on markers or crayons.

In my former life, a nice cup of tea would hit the spot, and here are more complaints because I can't seem to eat or drink anything hot anymore! I have become conditioned to eating hot foot in the cooled off state and cold food in the warmed up state. I am completely pathetic! Just the other day, I caught myself intentionally letting some cream cheese warm up to a more palatable temperature, and this morning the babes were telling me to sit down and eat my eggs with them...but I kept trying to find other things to put away or grab before I could sit down because I knew that my eggs were entirely too hot to completely enjoy them. Husband reminded me of some ice cream that he had scooped for me the other night, and I snapped at him with "Can't I just do anything in my own time!" masking the fact that the ice cream was entirely too frozen at the point of him reminding me to "dig in!"

I feel as though I hit a new low last night by trying to entertain the children while Husband was working the late shift. I + F had been throwing toys like cars and dominoes all over the play area. I had just spent the last two evenings, desperately trying to get my desk (a.k.a. command central, computer station, and the portal for grandparent communication) cleaned off and under control. I found interesting things that served absolutely no purpose, so I pitched lots of things and reorganized the rest. The low part, was after not having had a shower in several days, being surprised by a scheduled visit with a friend in my not bathed state, having changed pee accidents and poop accidents, having cleaned the kitchen window that was covered with food and dog drool, and still waiting to have my Husband come to rescue me from our children sucking the life right out of me, I reached into the garbage can and pulled out an envelope filled with temporary tattoos. "Oooo Iain, look at this! A frog! a parrot! Look Fiona! Do you want to wear a tattoo? How about a toucan for you and oooo a lady bug!"This little adventure in temporary tattoos bought me almost an extra 30 minutes before I declared martial law and "IT'S TIME FOR BED!!! NOOOOOWWWWW!" My son was sent bed with a yellow frog on his leg and a parrot the full length of his forearm and this parrot actually had a red mustache on his beak in lieu of the fact that this parrot was from a Captain Morgan Rum ad campaign of some kind. My daughter went to bed with a sparkly Toucan Sam on her hand and a very cute little lady bug on her foot. She didn't want to wear her slippers to bed because she couldn't look down at her ladybug.

The rest of my autumn is going to be long, and the winter even longer. I could usually get an hour or so to clean the kitchen and get myself out of my pajamas during a morning show or movie, but with the potty standoff, Husband has decreed absolutely not a minute of TV until that little man of ours drops something into the potty. There has got to be someone we can pay to potty train him/them.I caught Iain licking up Romano cheese off or my desk chair. One of his favorite pastimes is to dump things in shakers out! I have lost 2 bottles of chili powder, 1 huge bottle of garlic powder, but never has he dumped cheese out so that he could lick it up. This was after a night of him refusing to eat the meal we had, so he helped himself into the refrigerator and took the cheese shaker out of the door to have his own, personalized dinner.

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