Thursday, May 7, 2009

A little bit more, and then I am done for now.

There has definitely been a big hub-a-bub over here on the blog. I must say...8 comments! WOW! I must not write juicy enough stuff on other days. I am not going to make a habit out of this controversial stuff because it can become quite stressful. I am prepared to defend myself with the comments from my adoring fans...I mean readers?

My main point in the Crazy Lady post, is that I still do not feel that Mothers who stay at home are more privileged.
privilege: a right or immunity granted as a peculiar benefit, advantage, or favor ; especially : such a right or immunity attached specifically to a position or an office
Every mother has that privilege to stay at home, as it is their Divine right or benefit to their position. Moms who work outside of the home choose that lifestyle away from what their privileges as a mother are. My personal conviction has always come from Proverbs 31, with my best living example as my own mother and the matriarchs in my own family. The "virtuous woman" is the first person out of bed each day, and when it is still dark out! She is up late at night still working. She works like a dog! I feel like I work very hard each day, but the Provers woman didn't find time to waste away on the computer. All of her tasks revolve around her husband, children and her household. The women in my family have all stayed at home to raise children, to cook fulfilling meals for the family, to keep clean and tidy houses, to work in their gardens and at handicrafts, as well as having other types of businesses or jobs being run from their own homes.Iain "playing piano" in his woodpile.
He was humming and swaying as he imagined
that he had an outdoor piano to play

I have had "working" moms say to me, "I don't know how you do it. I couldn't do what you do." Another non-favorite and belittling comment is, "I wish that I could stay at home with my kids, but we can't afford it." To be redundant, I do not feel that it is a privilege or that I am "lucky" to stay at home with my children. I think it comes with the territory! What do all of the "working" moms think that us SAHMs do all day long? I tried to explain this in my other post: I do not go out to lunch every day, I do not have a cleaning lady come in and clean my house, I cook all of my meals from scratch, and then after my babies are in bed I work on stringing beads or my blog job until the wee hours of the morning. When a "working" mom says, "I wish that I could be home with my kids, but...." they are aknowledging that the very best thing is for Moms to be with their babies. The other response that I hear is "I couldn't be at home with my kids! They would drive me to insanity!!" How pitiful that a Mother would not desire to be with her babies, and how sad for a child to hear and know that their mother is unfulfilled.Fiona, home from her 1st birthday in Chicago.

Since I was BWE (Blogging While Exhausted)the other night/morning, my "checked out" comment is what I think set most women spiraling. I did not mean that all women are mentally checked out or don't think about their children throughout the day. I will stand by the fact that the children get "checked" into day care or care givers care and there is a big difference when you remove your child/children from your presence. There is a freedom that may not be emotional or mental, but the physical freedom to move about your day at work is huge!

I was so happy to see Amanda's comments. Our situation has been very similar in that I had a better paying job than Jake when we had Iain. Jake and I were always committed to me staying home with the babies, so trying to work a full time job with a very easy baby was great for the first couple months. We have had the health insurance battle. We have had doctor bills for NICU visits with both babies. There have been many issues with our finances, but we have made drastic changes to live within our means. It has meant eating "stone soup" and carpooling places. It has meant a spending freeze and living within our means, no matter what it takes. Working outside of the home has never been an option for us.We sold our car, we will move into a smaller house, we will move to a different city or state! We will eat rice and beans....
I could not miss out on this huge part of my life. My children are my legacy, and God has entrusted them to me for their care and upbringing. I feel that God is pretty specific about it.

1 comment:

Lisa Brandos said...

I agree with you to an extent with taking Proverbs 31 as an inspiration for the type of wife and mother you want to be. I think it's wonderful that you want to be the best wife and mother that you can be and that you truly love serving your family.

I will take the risk for some mud-slinging here and be transparent about something. For some of us, like me, it's not so natural to be an at-home mom. I was raised by an ex-drill sergeant, single mother who worked two jobs to provide a life for me and my sister. She was raised by an immigrant whose husband left a wealthy life in Cuba to avoid Castro's reign to become an exterminator (luckily in South Florida and there were plenty of cockroaches for him to have his way with :). )and my grandmother had to work outside the home. My grandmother was raised by a single-mother in Cuba who had to work. All my life I've been surrounded by working women who have provided for their families out of neccessity. I'm the first generation of women in my family (on my mother's side who raised me) to make the choice to stay home. I've only been doing this for four months and I know I still have a lot to learn about it.

Now, on to Proverbs 31. The more that I have studied these verses and talked with the women in our church and taken their experiences to heart (Diane C, Julie R., and hopefully Cheri S. will be joining us soon), the more grace I have found in these verses. The commentary in my Life Application Bible said this:
"Some people have the mistaken idea that the ideal woman in the Bible is retiring, servile, and entirely domestic. Not so! This woman is an excellent wife and mother. She is also a manufacturer, importer, manager, realtor, farmer, seamstress, upholsterer, and merchant. Her strength and dignity do not come from her amazing achievements, however. They are a result of her reverence for God...
"The woman described in this chapter has outstanding abilities. Her family's social position is high. In fact, she may not be one woman at all-she may be a composite portrait of ideal womanhood. Do not see her as a model to imitate in every detail; your days are not long enough to do everything she does! See her instead as an inspiration to be all you can be. We can't be just like her, but we can learn from her industry, integrity, and resourcefulness."

The lesson we did this week revolved around verse 15: "She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls." The lesson spoke about how her waking up early was to make sure her family was fed and her plan for the day was made. She didn't plan weeks and months in advance because you cannot tell what is going to happen in a day. Making plans so far in advance puts your plans in stone and don't allow room for God's (for SOME people... the "you" isn't YOU, it's a general "you") The lesson made reference to James 4:13-15.

Also, the Proverbs 31 woman had servant girls that she delegated, "portioned", tasks to. My thought that I shared was that in our society today, there is so much emphasis to be the "super mom." We did it and we did it all, alone. This woman we're supposed to model did not do it all alone. No way she could have! We may not be able to afford a maid to come help us clean, but we also shouldn't be afraid to say, "I'm having trouble doing ______, can you help me with ______ and I can help you with ______." My vision, goal, or whatever you want to call it (or rather, the vision that God has impressed upon me) is that we should be a community of friends and sisters who are doing life TOGETHER and not alone.

So, take that for whatever it's worth... Just my thoughts and my experience.