Monday, May 4, 2009

Monday Dialogue

The Setting:
After having an animal cracker incident in Fiona's bed (I have no idea how she got a travel bag of animal crackers in there!) I was furiously changing sheets and sweeping up dust and crumbs. After having a positive talk about finances, Jake made a return approach down the hallway:
Jake: You aren't going to believe this.
Erin: Oh no! What?
Jake: Caesar just let out a fart that sounded just like a whoopee cushion.
Erin pausing in disbelief that this is actually what I wasn't going to be able to believe
Jake entering the babies' room: I am serious. It sounded just like a whoopee cushion. *Jake imitating a whoopee cushion* It sounded just like that!
Erin ignoring Jake's imitation: Do you ever feel like you are married to a junior high kid?
Jake: No. Do you ever feel like you are married to a camp counselor?
Erin: WHAAAT?!! What is your problem? Now I am a camp counselor? I don't believe this!
Jake: Yeah, a camp counselor, 'cause I totally want to do you.
Erin gasp
Jake: Well it is every junior high kid's dream to do his camp counselor and then be able to brag to every other junior high camper that he did the counselor. So yeah, I've done it, and I am bragging.

The Setting:
We had our first experience with a next door neighbor play date. It really wasn't a play date, but Iain went over and played in the neighbor's yard and then he came over to play in our yard. The problem was that Iain wanted to show him our house. I was getting ready for a dinner party, so I was a negligent next door neighbor hostess. This little boy is 5 1/2 and after a trip to showcase our play area in our basement he announced that "These are all baby toys." Not knowing what to say, I went with the honesty route and said, "Well, we only have babies that live here, so that is why we have baby toys." He was rummaging around the house, checking everything out, but we were getting close to crunch time on the meal fixens and with my hands in a vat of meatballs:
Erin: Jake, I think it is time to send Pierce home.
Jake: Yeah, I agree. *pausing, locating the child* Pierce, it is time for you to go home.
Pierce: No, it's OK. I can stay.
Jake looking back at me, a tad bit shocked: No, actually, we need you to go home now because we are getting ready for dinner.
Pierce: Well, I will go and play with Iain.
Jake: No, Iain is taking a little nap before dinner, so we need you to go home.
Pierce still riding and squeaking the Radio Flyer scooter, ignoring Jake.
Erin: Pierce, I think you might be too big for that scooter so you should get off and it is time to go home now.
Pierce: No, I'm not too big.
Jake: Pierce, we are really busy, and the babies are taking a nap, so we need you to go home right now.
Pierce gets off of the scooter and exits through the front door.
Jake calling after him: Thanks Pierce, you have a good one!
Pierce: Bye.
Jake and I exchange a glance that means: Oh my gosh! Can you believe that?!! Get the heck out of our stinkin' house! We don't know you, and you are disobedient! Are we inviting that kid over here again? I think not.

Erin: Fiona, do you have a ka ka diaper?
Fiona: Ka ka ka ka ka

Fiona having her diaper changed and sobbing: Ka ka ka ka

Iain with his finger in this back of his mouth: More teeth.

More toddler translations:
gnake=Jake(Jake is now referred to as every instance since Iain starting imitating me by calling after "Jake, Jake!")


Lisa Brandos said...

I often feel that I am married to a junior higher. But you knew that since our husbands seem to be cut from very similar, though albeit different, cloths. But despite the junior high feeling, it is always amazing to know that we have husbands who always find us sexy and amazing! Even if it annoys us that they can make us laugh when we least desire to.

Hope the rest of your week is good! I missed you yesterday at church, but Seth assures me you were there as he and Jake had a conversation. Ah, well, maybe next week! Take care!

ChurchPunkMom said...

You guys are hilarious!

I've totally met kids like that by the way.. man, they really chap my hide. ;)