Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Mommy Duds

With the role of Motherhood we know that there are things to be lost. For example, a loss of style, a loss of time, a loss of patience, a loss of cleanliness, etc. etc. I have a daily battle with the loss of time, since I am chronically late to everything that involves my offspring. Yesterday, I realized that if my babes are tucked in their beds, or in the care of the father, I am able to get most places with precise punctuality. I can remember being late when I was single, but not chronically late. On Monday morning, I started getting everyone ready an hour before our meeting time with Nani Becky. We were still late! Uggh! Fiona woke up, so I changed a diaper and changed her into her clothes. Iain had a poopy diaper, so I got him all fresh and then put on his coat and all of the trimmings, but he was irked about I was trying some toddler interpretation for about 15 minutes. There was weeping and gnashing of teeth, and I finally figured out he had more cars to carry then he had hands. This posed a problem for only a moment. I tried the reasoning thing for about 15 seconds, and realized that we were going no where fast with feet stomping and hands with matchbox cars in the air. I found a not so girly old cosmetic bag with a nice handle and zippers, and all of the cars went into the bag and then into the car. We then had to track down the duck blanket and a drink of water. So child #1 was ready to go,and I was ready to get Fiona suited up in her coat, but there was a smell on her, so it was back to the changing table for diaper #3 within 20 minutes.My adorable Fiona-9 months
Today, in our joint effort against the never ending laundry, I had to take care of the loss of style. A very decent pair of chinos, needed some special treatment because of a rather ridiculous incident on Sunday morning. So jumping back in the week again to Sunday, we were running late again with the babes in tow. Unloading everyone, and one parent per child, I reached for a piece of gum in the console and passed one to Jake. Those Sunday morning bad breathe situations where you are meeting and talking with friends can be compounded by the hour or longer where we sit without talking...a perfect time to chew gum and fight off the bad breathe army. So we find our place, we are singing songs during worship time, and we get the announcement that we are sharing the Lord's table. Cool! So we sit down, and this time instead of going to the front to pick up the elements and bring them back to our place, they are passing the bread and grape juice. I had Iain on my lap, and Jake had Fiona and we were doing well with keeping their clutching fingers and hands away from the bread basket and juice cups. I realized that I would not want to be taking the bread and juice with gum in my mouth, so I stuck my gum on top of my bulletin. Jake's new snow removal technique with the leaf blower.
Iain was very interested in the "food" items that we were sharing, so I took the time to explain to him what we were doing and gave him a small portion of the elements to "share" with him and and gave my first explanation of these symbols. We had another song before the message, and Iain was excited to be standing in his own place and clapping along with the worship team. We brought his ribbon stick along and he was waving it around, and it was so precious. We sat down again and started into the message. About 15 minutes into the teaching, Fiona started her normal descent squealing like a stuck little pig. So Jake and I did the quick switch with the babes and I grabbed Fiona and started to make my way out the back of the....wait! What was this stuck to me??! I noticed this crumpling noise and, felt that my attempted silent retreat to the foyer was becoming louder and louder. Fiona kept up with her unpleasant squeals, and I grabbed at the bulletin that seemed to be stuck to my butt. Still walking and still trying to get into the foyer, it dawned on me that the bulletin did not have an unusual form of static cling to my chinos, YET it was attached by the piece of gum that I had "rested" on top of the bulletin while taking the Lord's table!Fiona in a Nani Joseph bunny hat and matching sweater.
As I reached behind and realized that there was a long string of gum walking right along with me, my loss of style was joined with a loss of poise when I realized I am losing my mind by sticking a live, chewed up piece of gum on an open sheet of paper with the intention of saving if for later. So I had a wad of my own gum on my butt, and I was so annoyed with myself for being so careless with something so deadly to clothes. I was very thankful that the gum was Trident Original flavor and that khaki color and therefore, matched my pants perfectly. I really would have been an eye sore with bright green or cinnamon red hanging off my rear end. I remember walking in an amusement park in the summer and my dad giving loud cautionary advice against a piece of melting gum on the sidewalk, "Don't step in the gum! What idiot just spits their gum out on the ground? Don't ever do that!" All I could think was, What idiot leaves their gum on an open piece of paper and sits back down on it! and especially in church! I was replaying the entire incident in my head today as I was desperately trying to get the gum of of my pants. Not only did the remnants not wash out the gum section was now full of black fuzz from other laundry. I kept rubbing peanut butter through the grains of my chinos and was hoping that I could save these pants from an untimely trip into the garbage can. Iain and Auntie Doodie watching Veggies
I am quite thankful that I haven't had a loss of clothes because of my own mishaps or that of the sticky fingers and baby barf that attacks me like projectile bird poop on my mommy duds. I am also thankful that my wardrobe remains deficient in many areas. Mommy duds are appropriate for the tasks at hand, and I would rather wait until my babes are past the puke burbs all over me and thinking that I am a walking napkin their adorable little munchkin hands. I can't break down and buy new jeans or shirts knowing that something nice and new could potentially get annihilated with any number of baby things or my own stupidity of improper gum disposal. Fiona, Iain, and...Jake sleeping on the couch watching Veggies

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